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18 June 2013 Written by 

YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!

Why is there always a discussion behind Father's Day and who should and shouldn't be celebrated? If the day is a day to celebrate fathers, why would a woman want to be celebrated for being a quasi-man?  When it comes to Mother's Day, I don't think I've ever heard people refer to mothers as anything other than mothers.

Fathers who only meet certain criteria tend to only get called a father. I see other select fathers get called ‘Deadbeat Dads’ if they have fallen short in some areas. I also see other fathers get called things like 'sperm donors.’

You-Are-Not-the-FatherI'm never going to justify a father not fulfilling his role as a father because he definitely should, but we wouldn't be here and none of our children definitely wouldn't be here if it wasn't for a male father.

Now don't get me wrong, I acknowledge the magnificent contributions of single moms, but I don't believe many women accept being acknowledged as a father on Father’s Day with the right spirit.

Using the day to call their baby’s father a ‘sperm donor’ or ‘my baby daddy’ and then proceeding to spew vile and demeaning rhetoric about the baby's real father, in conjunction with wishing themselves a Happy Father's Day, is extremely oxymoronic in my estimation.

Many women are being driven by anger, hurt and disappointment, in how they deal with their life situation and the fact that they have been forced to raise their children by themselves can be extremely overwhelming.

But, regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in, you are a woman and when it comes to your children, “You are not the father!”

You've seen The Maury Povich Show hosted by Maury Povich, where they have been saying that infamous phrase for over 20 years.

One of the most famous topics associated with the Maury show is the issue of paternity testing, where a mother comes on the show attempting to prove (or disprove, in some cases) that a man is the biological father of her child or children. Often the mother will bring the child or children to the studio to prove her claims are valid to Maury, the audience, and the accused father. In most cases, the accused father is hostile towards the accusing mother and sometimes the accused father believes that the mother is just after money.

After the initial accusations, Maury sits both parties down to read the results of a paternity test provided by the exclusive DNA laboratory for the show, DNA Diagnostics Center, which had been performed before the show's taping. After the results are revealed, the parties react accordingly to the news, with the results being either:

“You are the father!" or "You are not the father!"

Notice, the results weren’t based on how good or bad the man was. He either is or isn’t the father…..PERIOD.

I find this mentality and response to fathers to be so interesting.

Take the movie Star Wars for instance. You realize deep into the movie series that Darth Vader is actually Luke Skywalker’s father.   Luke finds out because Darth Vader tells him during a battle when they are trying to kill each other.

Check it out though.

Who Darth Vader was and had become had no bearing on the fact that he was still Luke Skywalker’s father. No matter what, it was Darth Vader that was the father. Luke Skywalker’s anger, disappointment or opinion could never change that.

Let's get even deeper. All of us Bible believing folks answer me this.

The Bible says that God placed His seed inside the Virgin Mary right?

So, if that's the case, we know that the Bible says that she was supposed to marry Joseph. So if Joseph eventually married Mary and raised Jesus as his own son, does that mean that God wasn't the Father because He was ONLY a sperm donor and wasn't physically around to raise Jesus?

NO!!!!!

As I stated, a father is a father, regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in. The man’s seed makes him that child’s father, not our personal experiences or opinions. We must accept responsibility for the cards we are dealt and then deal with it, so as not to stifle our futures. It's a tough thing to do, but isn't that how life works?

I challenge all fathers to be the fathers they are called to be. I know everybody has a story. But even if those fathers aren't, I challenge everyone else to pray for them and acknowledge them for the role they played in our being here.

Jeffrey L. Boney serves as Associate Editor and is an award-winning journalist for the Houston Forward Times newspaper. Jeffrey is a Next Generation Project Fellow, dynamic, international speaker, experienced entrepreneur, business development strategist and Founder/CEO of the Texas Business Alliance. If you would like to request Jeffrey as a speaker, you can reach him at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .